As I sit in the hotel room in Jakarta grieving over my mum’s passing on today, I now know the pains of losing someone beloved like my mum whom we have had a special relationship. Not the kind that everyone knows about but silently in our hearts we hold a silent respect and love for each other.
I know my mum loved me a lot because she always looked forward to my homecoming to Penang and despite her age and failing health, she would always prevent me for eating outside just to eat the best food she would cook for me. She relished watching me when I ate her food which I always enjoyed. Her strong love for me when she was cooking triumphed over the pains in her great effort (and suffering) she had to undergo due to her illness, backaches and advanced age. She just wanted to make me smile over her delicious cooking and that was all she wanted to do for me.
I hold a high respect for mum for her high sense of responsibility of taking care of 7 children while having to operate a school canteen at the same time. It’s hard to imagine what a Herculean task it is doing this. Mums these days couldn’t do a fraction of what she did for us. But mum soldiered on without complaint or asking for any praises from anyone. She just did it her way.
The wonderful thing about mum was that she respected, loved me and was very proud of me because I managed to get out from the throes of becoming a useless kid to be what I am today. If not from following mum as my role model, I could not have done it on my own. She was my biggest source of inspiration. I owe it to her for making me to be what I am today.
I know my mum doesn’t want me to be back for her funeral because she wants me to fulfill what I have to for my client in Jakarta although it exceedingly pains me to be alone here without saying the final goodbye for her.
But somehow she is talking to me silently, in fact even comforting me to take it easy with these words, ‘it’s ok, and I’m fine’ although I am crying as I am writing this blog as I want to dedicate this to her while she’s still lying in the physical world before her funeral in 2 days’ time which I won’t be around to witness.
Mum, you rest in peace. I will always love you whatever it is. Soon, I know I will be united with you in heaven. You wait for me, ok?