As I sit in the hotel room in Jakarta grieving over my mum’s passing on today, I now know the pains of losing someone beloved like my mum whom we have had a special relationship. Not the kind that everyone knows about but silently in our hearts we hold a silent respect and love for each other.
I know my mum loved me a lot because she always looked forward to my homecoming to Penang and despite her age and failing health, she would always prevent me for eating outside just to eat the best food she would cook for me. She relished watching me when I ate her food which I always enjoyed. Her strong love for me when she was cooking triumphed over the pains in her great effort (and suffering) she had to undergo due to her illness, backaches and advanced age. She just wanted to make me smile over her delicious cooking and that was all she wanted to do for me.
I hold a high respect for mum for her high sense of responsibility of taking care of 7 children while having to operate a school canteen at the same time. It’s hard to imagine what a Herculean task it is doing this. Mums these days couldn’t do a fraction of what she did for us. But mum soldiered on without complaint or asking for any praises from anyone. She just did it her way.
The wonderful thing about mum was that she respected, loved me and was very proud of me because I managed to get out from the throes of becoming a useless kid to be what I am today. If not from following mum as my role model, I could not have done it on my own. She was my biggest source of inspiration. I owe it to her for making me to be what I am today.
I know my mum doesn’t want me to be back for her funeral because she wants me to fulfill what I have to for my client in Jakarta although it exceedingly pains me to be alone here without saying the final goodbye for her.
But somehow she is talking to me silently, in fact even comforting me to take it easy with these words, ‘it’s ok, and I’m fine’ although I am crying as I am writing this blog as I want to dedicate this to her while she’s still lying in the physical world before her funeral in 2 days’ time which I won’t be around to witness.
Mum, you rest in peace. I will always love you whatever it is. Soon, I know I will be united with you in heaven. You wait for me, ok?
5 Responses
Dear Michael
I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain of losing a loved one is unimaginable. I’m sure you know what I mean. I pray god will give you the strength to accept her passing. May her soul be granted eternal rest. She’ll be watching over you always.
Take care,
Sylvia
A very touching message to mum. It must be very painful to go through this trying time. Writing helps Mike, write as much as you want, speak to her, cry as much as you want but most importantly, eat something and rest in the assurance that the Lord is there to hold and comfort you. We are here to read and support you in your time of grief.
You have done very well and succeeded with the appreciation of her love and true care. She is proud of you and will always be, in the hereafter. May her soul rest in peace intensely. Amen.
Michael, this is such a touching revelation of your love for your mom ; am sure she will understand , stay strong.
Hi Michael, I actually stumbled upon this & was stunned for a moment.
I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your Mother. Those are lovely photos that you took together with your Mum.May she enjoy all the heavenly rewards that she so deserve. Sorry I never had the chance to meet her. She must’ve been someone to really look up to. You were very blessed to have been able to enjoy such a GEM of a Mum.
I hope I’m not too bold to say this but I can imagine your Mum say to you, Son, no matter what your choice is, I still love you.
You were there when she was alive & that matters a lot.
God Bless, Carol Choo