THE ‘ATTITUDE’ FACTOR IN RELATIONSHIPS
Q: I get bored talking with people most of the time. I guess it is the same for the other person who also appears to be bored talking to me. I am discouraged by this and I usually want to end the conversation quickly as I feel it is really pointless to continue. However, I have always been curious as to how some of my friends are able to go on and on with their conversations. How do they do this? Can you throw more light on this matter?
A: It is all about your attitude. A good attitude towards someone would make the person become interesting to you, while a bad one may mean that he/she is not worth your time. So, this decides how much effort and time you want to put into a conversation with the person.
Appreciate and respect the diversity and differences in people. Be less prejudiced in how a person needs to behave towards you. Instead, be flexible and adjust to them. In order to get into this approach, reframe your perspective about the person and the conversation you are in to find something interesting about them. Be sincere and friendly as well. You will soon realise that you can engage more deeply with people.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
- What do you say to yourself about making friends?
- What are your reasons for this?
- How does this perception help you in your life?
- How can you change this in order to make more friends?
GET RID OF THE LOVE GUILT
Q: I have had an intimate relationship with a man I really loved for twelve years. But we have been separated for the last three years. I am not in a new relationship now because I find it so difficult to get rid of those old memories. I know this is not healthy as I am still young. I have tried many times to start a new relationship but I failed. One key reason for this is the ‘uncomfortable and uneasy’ feeling when I am with someone else as if there is ‘someone there’ watching over me, and reminding me not to go any deeper. How do I get rid of this guilt?
A: I agree that the memories will linger as you have been in a relationship for so long. Rather than trying to suppress or run away from it, face it and accept it. When you do this, you will courageously and consciously unload this emotional baggage.
Separate this break-up into two parts: the reason for the separation and the person concerned. Doing this will help you differentiate between these two entities, rather than seeing them as one. You will then accept that the relationship is over, but your life is not. Soon you will feel free and stop blaming yourself. Hence, you won’t feel the need for anyone’s permission or approval to get on with your life.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
- What is the voice saying to you when you are trying to get into another relationship?
- What do you do in response to this voice?
- Is it helping you to move forward in your life?
- How can you free yourself from this once and for all?
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