There are some people like me who always find solace, excitement and nostalgia in their old hometowns especially where their roots of life started there. My old roots of 24 years old came from my old birthplace and a sinking town called Teluk Intan. It will always be my green, green grass of home (as Tom Jones sings) no matter where I am.
This happy but strange and unfamiliar feeling is often difficult to describe nor shared nor be understood by many, not even my dear wife, Angeline. She is a part of my life in all ways, but unfortunately not in this way. There’s nothing wrong with this and neither do I blame her (and the rest) for this ‘gap’ in our relationship. I guess it is the ‘inner world’ of mine where very deep understanding is needed and thus, many won’t be able to fathom that. Perhaps only some of my town mates and class mates could share this part with me, and me with theirs too.
I bought up this subject this time because I just got back from there, and memories are simply too fresh to be forgotten. Strangely too, this visit is the second time in 4 months as I know there will be at least another two more times before 2014 ends.
Usually in my other trips there (over the past 34 years) there, I would normally go through the same ritualistic itinerary of eating my favorite food, driving around the old neighborhood, passing by my alma mater again and again and attending mass service in my church there.
This particular trip was quite different; it was a special déjà vu of sorts for me. I did something more – I reconciled with my past. Deep in me there had been some events, things and people where I had ‘ bittersweet’ experiences with. I had never felt easy with them for one reason or another. This time instead of going past the rented house where I once lived, I actually stepped inside it and also went to the bedroom where most of my ‘naughty’ youth activities took place. I took courage too to speak to an ageing neighbour called BB who never liked me for my naughty streaks.
I’m so glad I
did all that to brighten up these dark passages of my early life. I felt this magical feeling of reconciliation and peace. A short prayer of thanks after this really put a nice closure to this past of mine. It’s really good now to feel complete, lighter and with peace all around and inside me.
I really want to encourage my readers and friends to do the same with their past, especially those parts that still hurt painfully for some reasons. It’s no point still harboring feelings of sadness, anger or shame. Do not avoid it or bury it but instead face up to it and you won’t regret this. I picked strength to do this because I reframed and saw this ‘bad past’ as a ‘good present’ for it had taught me some very important lessons in life.
This is why I can totally regard my old hometown and my past life there as always a place that welcomes me back. Indeed it will always be my green, green, grass of home, forever!
You can do the same and more too! Do share your story with me!
